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:icontohdaryl: More from tohdaryl

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Writings by sarge5k


Submitted on
November 16, 2012


15 (who?)
Hey people, how are you coping with the coming winter (for my friends in the US and Europe and anywhere that is gonna be buried in 10ft of snow in the next couple of weeks. First of all, its Movember so men, grow that moustaches to support the event to raise awareness for prostate cancer in guys. I grew mine...well sort…

Second of all is I want to thank all of you for following me in my 30 Day Challenge thing. If you want to try it out yourself please check out Sachin Teng's…
His work is inspirational and obviously influenced the stuff I did. I wish I can meet him in person someday if I go to NY.
Apologies for some responses or comments during that period of time that I didn't reply to as I was in knee-deep of assignments and projects. (Which is now all done thankfully) Thank you for being bloody patient with me and being bloody persistent watchers as well. Every time I see the numbers skyrocketed I just ask myself: "Jeez, where are all these people come from?"  But seriously, you all are awesome. I never expected to grow that much cause back in 2006 I said: "I'll just make a gallery to store my artwork and might not use it at all." How wrong I was.

Third is a big, heartfelt thank you to all of you, (and to those I know personally - you know who you are) for keeping me strong, for believing in what I do, and for supporting me either with good and bad opinions, feed backs, quirky (sometimes annoying comments), or simply being inspired in my work and the occasional humor. But I cannot thank you enough for all the positive responses in my coming out. For those of you who are concerned, no, my parents or my family members didn't take the news that easy, it is tough on me, its tough to all of them as well. I don't want to lie to them, and I don't want to keep secrets away from my family, and the truth always hurts.

My parents, they are the best that any child could have. I'm always grateful for them. They are my teachers, my best friends and my world. I've seen them in their best and in their worst of times. We go through tough times and even tougher than this. They don't deserve to be kept in a lie and as painful as it sounds, I had to tell them, one way or another. I was prepared for the blows, the hate, whatever, if they disown me, the works; but I will still forgive them because they are my parents and I do not want any ills or grudges between us when we all leave this life to the next.

I was always emotionally distant from them because of this secret and I don't know what's worst, to keep the lie till their death beds or to tell them truth. I never meant to hurt them. But keeping the secret for 15 years is terrible especially in my homeland, (not Australia) where being out is frowned upon and possible condemnation (and death). I know I was gay since 12. I am very aware of that. I wasn't in a 'phase' or confused at all. I know it all along. I tried to hide it by having girlfriends - nope still doesn't work.

It was this secret that led me to a near suicide (no joke and suicides are stupid and selfish so don't do that), reluctantly become a Christian and out of it, and bouts of depression later in my working life. I drown myself in work, to distract myself and always angry at myself and the people around me. I was a time bomb.

The only person in the family I share this is with my younger brother Dennis. He is my best friend, THE best friend I have. There's a few shitloads of times I cried in front of him because of this. He's always supportive (at times). He did warn me alot of times that I'll make mom cry. Derrick my second younger brother I don't know how he feel towards me right now but I know he's upset with me too. I know my little sister is angry with me. I don't blame her and I accept if she doesn't want to speak to me again, because I was her role model. But how can I be a role model, if I'm not true to myself?

So, what is done is done, as my mom told me. The only thing we can look to is forward - better or worst.

Now to clear some things up, just because I'm out doesn't mean I won't kick your ass. I'm still a dude, dude. (still angry often at times) And I will not hesitate to hurt you so don't fuck with me. I do not tolerate bullying, especially towards children; and I do not like to see flaming and death threats just because someone is fat, or because they are in different color or beliefs or just because they are gay, lesbian or bi. (you all are fine, I know you all are awesome here and strangely nice to each other).

I do not flaunt, or want to make a big deal out of being gay. Big deal, its over! Its back to artworks and studies. You want to party, go to the midsumma in Melbourne. I prefer to keep low profile and just chill. My gallery is more of a chill out spot so yeah, just chill.

I keep this gallery clean from pornography or any explicit material and no I will not draw those stuff either because my younger cousins and siblings sometimes check my site out. I have families that look into my stuff here as well. I know there are mild adult jokes in some of my comics but I'll let the parents explain to their kids when they are older. So please respect my boundaries and I'll do the same for yours.

So yeah, its been a crazy November for me, and I'm deeply sorry if I offended any of you, or if there is alot of misunderstandings between us. I'm sorry. I know i can be a prick at times. Thank you all, and love you all. And love one another.

Daryl Toh Liem Zhan
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Bonobo - Kong
  • Reading: Enchiridion
  • Watching: Adventure Time - The Lich
  • Playing: A Flute to Jake
  • Eating: Sandwich with Billy
  • Drinking: The Fear of the unknown
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myintermail Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, just read this and decided to drop by and say hi. Hope everything's well while you're in Down Under.

On sexuality, I could not imagine how tough this situation you're going through. But I have already a few friends who are gay so yeah, it is not much of a big deal for me.

What's more important that you are happy and comfortable of who you are and keep up your good works in this gallery!
NevermoreEvermore Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist
I know what you mean. I'm straight so I didn't have to go threw that but a lot of my friend are gay, lesbian or bi. And they have a lot of problems with there parents because of is. Some of their folk became cool with their feelings and understood that they can't change the person they are.

But some just try change their kid. They say the usual stuff: "oh it's just a phase" "you're young and you don't understand anything" "you'll grow out of it". But I know they won't cause that's who they are whether you like it or not. But their folk don't get that. They don't listen!!

I hate to sit around while they're going threw all this but i can't do much to help them. All I can do is hold them as they cry when their parents are gone. I know they're going threw a really hard time telling the truth but, hey!, the truth is sometimes a hard thing to say.

I love my mates and I'll do anything to keep them smiling and laughin. I may not be able to do much but I will support them, and I'll support mate, with whatever you choose to do with your own life.

So live it up!!!
sarge5k Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Photographer
You have offended no one, your just being yourself. All is good...
xelanesque Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Yeeeeeurgh, I hate beards and moustaches, I have pogomophobia. I hope you don't hate me coz I have pogomophobia ^^;
Korjamer Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student General Artist
I definitely know how hard it is to tell your parents. It took me forever to tell mine... and when I did they freaked out and kicked me out of the house while threatening to get me exorcised (not even joking). *sigh* I remember my mother texting me "your going to go to hell" over and over that night. It was pretty bad. But, after a surprisingly short time they have been pretty cool about it. What I'm trying to say is even if all hell breaks loose it's going to be okay... Eventually :P
tohdaryl Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
wow... I don't think I'm expecting my parents to perform an exorcism on me. though my nickname back when i was kid was called Daryl the Devil lol but that's out of context. So yeah, wow... thank you for sharing your story, bro. :)
Korjamer Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Your welcome :P
ScriptorSapiens Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Gay, straight, what really does it matter? All human beings on this Earth are family. We share 99.9% of our genes, and no house divided on itself can stand. You know what? If you get any flamers or the like, you send 'em to Arkansas and I'll teach 'em some down-home southern manners! You rock, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Through your honesty, you have become a role model to me! I really hope this works out with your family. I have a big sister, and she is my greatest confidante and friend. Such people are few in this world. I am not gay, so I cannot truly relate to your struggle, but I wish to help you in any way I can. Keep up the good work! Good luck!
Scriptor Sapiens
(please forgive my sketch, but I had to!)
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
tohdaryl Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
thank you for your support dude, and for the sketch below too! lol
iluvart88 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Okay last time i say anything about you being gay:
I'm happy you came out and hope everything works out in your family. :)
PS i expect more art still
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