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:icontohdaryl: More from tohdaryl


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Writings by sarge5k




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November 16, 2012
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Hey people, how are you coping with the coming winter (for my friends in the US and Europe and anywhere that is gonna be buried in 10ft of snow in the next couple of weeks. First of all, its Movember so men, grow that moustaches to support the event to raise awareness for prostate cancer in guys. I grew mine...well sort of:yumegawa.tumblr.com/post/35685…

Second of all is I want to thank all of you for following me in my 30 Day Challenge thing. If you want to try it out yourself please check out Sachin Teng's tumblr:sachinteng.tumblr.com/post/258…
His work is inspirational and obviously influenced the stuff I did. I wish I can meet him in person someday if I go to NY.
Apologies for some responses or comments during that period of time that I didn't reply to as I was in knee-deep of assignments and projects. (Which is now all done thankfully) Thank you for being bloody patient with me and being bloody persistent watchers as well. Every time I see the numbers skyrocketed I just ask myself: "Jeez, where are all these people come from?"  But seriously, you all are awesome. I never expected to grow that much cause back in 2006 I said: "I'll just make a gallery to store my artwork and might not use it at all." How wrong I was.

Third is a big, heartfelt thank you to all of you, (and to those I know personally - you know who you are) for keeping me strong, for believing in what I do, and for supporting me either with good and bad opinions, feed backs, quirky (sometimes annoying comments), or simply being inspired in my work and the occasional humor. But I cannot thank you enough for all the positive responses in my coming out. For those of you who are concerned, no, my parents or my family members didn't take the news that easy, it is tough on me, its tough to all of them as well. I don't want to lie to them, and I don't want to keep secrets away from my family, and the truth always hurts.

My parents, they are the best that any child could have. I'm always grateful for them. They are my teachers, my best friends and my world. I've seen them in their best and in their worst of times. We go through tough times and even tougher than this. They don't deserve to be kept in a lie and as painful as it sounds, I had to tell them, one way or another. I was prepared for the blows, the hate, whatever, if they disown me, the works; but I will still forgive them because they are my parents and I do not want any ills or grudges between us when we all leave this life to the next.

I was always emotionally distant from them because of this secret and I don't know what's worst, to keep the lie till their death beds or to tell them truth. I never meant to hurt them. But keeping the secret for 15 years is terrible especially in my homeland, (not Australia) where being out is frowned upon and possible condemnation (and death). I know I was gay since 12. I am very aware of that. I wasn't in a 'phase' or confused at all. I know it all along. I tried to hide it by having girlfriends - nope still doesn't work.

It was this secret that led me to a near suicide (no joke and suicides are stupid and selfish so don't do that), reluctantly become a Christian and out of it, and bouts of depression later in my working life. I drown myself in work, to distract myself and always angry at myself and the people around me. I was a time bomb.

The only person in the family I share this is with my younger brother Dennis. He is my best friend, THE best friend I have. There's a few shitloads of times I cried in front of him because of this. He's always supportive (at times). He did warn me alot of times that I'll make mom cry. Derrick my second younger brother I don't know how he feel towards me right now but I know he's upset with me too. I know my little sister is angry with me. I don't blame her and I accept if she doesn't want to speak to me again, because I was her role model. But how can I be a role model, if I'm not true to myself?

So, what is done is done, as my mom told me. The only thing we can look to is forward - better or worst.

Now to clear some things up, just because I'm out doesn't mean I won't kick your ass. I'm still a dude, dude. (still angry often at times) And I will not hesitate to hurt you so don't fuck with me. I do not tolerate bullying, especially towards children; and I do not like to see flaming and death threats just because someone is fat, or because they are in different color or beliefs or just because they are gay, lesbian or bi. (you all are fine, I know you all are awesome here and strangely nice to each other).

I do not flaunt, or want to make a big deal out of being gay. Big deal, its over! Its back to artworks and studies. You want to party, go to the midsumma in Melbourne. I prefer to keep low profile and just chill. My gallery is more of a chill out spot so yeah, just chill.

I keep this gallery clean from pornography or any explicit material and no I will not draw those stuff either because my younger cousins and siblings sometimes check my site out. I have families that look into my stuff here as well. I know there are mild adult jokes in some of my comics but I'll let the parents explain to their kids when they are older. So please respect my boundaries and I'll do the same for yours.

So yeah, its been a crazy November for me, and I'm deeply sorry if I offended any of you, or if there is alot of misunderstandings between us. I'm sorry. I know i can be a prick at times. Thank you all, and love you all. And love one another.

Daryl Toh Liem Zhan
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Bonobo - Kong
  • Reading: Enchiridion
  • Watching: Adventure Time - The Lich
  • Playing: A Flute to Jake
  • Eating: Sandwich with Billy
  • Drinking: The Fear of the unknown
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:iconmyintermail:
myintermail Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, just read this and decided to drop by and say hi. Hope everything's well while you're in Down Under.

On sexuality, I could not imagine how tough this situation you're going through. But I have already a few friends who are gay so yeah, it is not much of a big deal for me.

What's more important that you are happy and comfortable of who you are and keep up your good works in this gallery!
Reply
:iconnevermoreevermore:
NevermoreEvermore Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist
I know what you mean. I'm straight so I didn't have to go threw that but a lot of my friend are gay, lesbian or bi. And they have a lot of problems with there parents because of is. Some of their folk became cool with their feelings and understood that they can't change the person they are.

But some just try change their kid. They say the usual stuff: "oh it's just a phase" "you're young and you don't understand anything" "you'll grow out of it". But I know they won't cause that's who they are whether you like it or not. But their folk don't get that. They don't listen!!

I hate to sit around while they're going threw all this but i can't do much to help them. All I can do is hold them as they cry when their parents are gone. I know they're going threw a really hard time telling the truth but, hey!, the truth is sometimes a hard thing to say.

I love my mates and I'll do anything to keep them smiling and laughin. I may not be able to do much but I will support them, and I'll support mate, with whatever you choose to do with your own life.

So live it up!!!
Reply
:iconsarge5k:
sarge5k Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Photographer
You have offended no one, your just being yourself. All is good...
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:iconxelanesque:
xelanesque Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Yeeeeeurgh, I hate beards and moustaches, I have pogomophobia. I hope you don't hate me coz I have pogomophobia ^^;
Reply
:iconnotadeadmoth:
notadeadmoth Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student General Artist
I definitely know how hard it is to tell your parents. It took me forever to tell mine... and when I did they freaked out and kicked me out of the house while threatening to get me exorcised (not even joking). *sigh* I remember my mother texting me "your going to go to hell" over and over that night. It was pretty bad. But, after a surprisingly short time they have been pretty cool about it. What I'm trying to say is even if all hell breaks loose it's going to be okay... Eventually :P
Reply
:icontohdaryl:
tohdaryl Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
wow... I don't think I'm expecting my parents to perform an exorcism on me. though my nickname back when i was kid was called Daryl the Devil lol but that's out of context. So yeah, wow... thank you for sharing your story, bro. :)
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:iconnotadeadmoth:
notadeadmoth Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Your welcome :P
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:iconscriptorsapiens:
ScriptorSapiens Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Gay, straight, what really does it matter? All human beings on this Earth are family. We share 99.9% of our genes, and no house divided on itself can stand. You know what? If you get any flamers or the like, you send 'em to Arkansas and I'll teach 'em some down-home southern manners! You rock, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Through your honesty, you have become a role model to me! I really hope this works out with your family. I have a big sister, and she is my greatest confidante and friend. Such people are few in this world. I am not gay, so I cannot truly relate to your struggle, but I wish to help you in any way I can. Keep up the good work! Good luck!
Sincerely,
Scriptor Sapiens
(please forgive my sketch, but I had to!)
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
Reply
:icontohdaryl:
tohdaryl Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
thank you for your support dude, and for the sketch below too! lol
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:iconiluvart88:
iluvart88 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Okay last time i say anything about you being gay:
I'm happy you came out and hope everything works out in your family. :)
PS i expect more art still
Reply
:icontohdaryl:
tohdaryl Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
lol art will still be rolling in. don't worry! :D
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:iconcolorfulroses93:
Colorfulroses93 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
I'm really happy for you, I look up to you for your bravery, and sometimes being honest with yourself can be very hard thing to do. I've been trying to keep my life intacted, with being high functioning autistic, I've been bullied for it just because I was different, and now trying to go over with my parents getting a divorce, and recently starting off college. But I've been managing though, I still keep my head high no matter what life thows at me. Thank you for sharing this with us :)
Reply
:iconnightcrawlerfan136:
nightcrawlerfan136 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't care if you're gay. Power to ya for coming out. Power to ya. I have a friend who's gay. And that's okay.
Reply
:iconromuluspixels:
Romuluspixels Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow. I'm really proud and amazed at your bravery. I don't know if i could handle letting something like that out. Your honesty is amazing and I'm so happy for you. Hopefully your family will accept you, and if they don't it's alright, I'm sure they'll be fine soon. Stay cool!
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:iconbuurdy:
buurdy Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
I'm really happy for you :iconbrohugplz:
Reply
:iconsinigangsagabi:
sinigangsagabi Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional General Artist
I'm really happy for you! I only saw your gallery when you finally posted the 30th day for the 30 day challenge, and that wasn't even the first thing I saw...haha! To be honest, when I wasn't aware, I was inlove ---- with your work, and well maybe sort of crushed on you but yeah XD doesn't matter now lol! :3

My parents took my falling inlove for a gay girl quite well (which makes me technically a lesbian as well right? or partially straight? lol)-- by Gods grace I wasn't excommunicated/kickedout/and all those horrible things...but somehow, after my bad break-up with the girl, they're convinced I'd stick with guys from now on. Heh. But I really am undecided yet, so to make life easier, I went to neutral = bi. (Whichever comes along. LOL.) Haha, just relating a few stuff since I've gone through the same thing, sort of...so don't worry, your family will get over it. One way or another. :) -hugs-

Kudos again! And your works are truly inspiring!!! I'm an instant fan that truly adores all your work...I love them all. Keep them coming! :)
Reply
:iconlite-ing:
lite-ing Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
That must be some hell of a November for you. When I seen your post on tumblr wad kind if a shock. My sister and I are great fans with with your art, you have the best imagination ever. Anyway, when I saw the post it made me surprise. But I'm not even of your sexuality. You're who you are, not by anyone's opinions. Don't let those words hurt you. It must be rough with your family right now for them to accept it, but they will, not now, soon. You're still my favorite digital or regular artist no matter what. You seem like a good guy to hand with other than art.

Hope the rest of your November and your life goes well.

Chloe
Reply
:iconjacob-cross:
Jacob-Cross Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
"Well... it's cold, it's snows, and it's windy... but I'm cool with it" XD
Reply
:iconnuclear-shrimp:
Nuclear-Shrimp Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The temperature has definitely dropped here in California :snowflake: :penguin: but it beats the heat!
As far as everything else goes, good luck and hopefully in time everything will get better! You're an awesome artist with a great sense of humor! Keep doing what you do!
Reply
:iconlastsorceress:
lastsorceress Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
All of us face some kind of adversity, it is part of being an individual living in a group. Just remember that you have a wonderful gift in your talent. Here's to a tamer December, and a new year both fun and inspiring.
Reply
:icondiana-hnd:
diana-hnd Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It takes a lot of bravery to come out to the family. And you did it. *pats back*
Reply
:iconlocalized:
Localized Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have my support, Daryl. Best of luck to you! :heart:
Reply
:iconseanmcfarland:
SeanMcFarland Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Takes a lot of courage to face your family with an uncomfortable truth, but you did the right thing. It's not worth the self inflicted misery of repression just to keep others happy.

Seems like you have a healthy outlook, and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Keep on creating; you make beautiful work!
Reply
:iconwalter13:
walter13 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Umm I was thinking about a great speech for support you, but i realized that everything that I could say is nothing compared with the big admiration and respect that I have for you.

But instead I gonna hug you because you are perfect as an artist and person, be happy for all of us.
Reply
:iconreafu-fu:
reafu-fu Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student Digital Artist
After reading this entry and hearing a bit of the personal turmoil you went through keeping this secret, it is my sincerest hope that your life will be one that is more peaceful from now on and that you feel free of keeping any secrets. It takes a lot of strength to hold something of that magnitude inside for so long. I think if we all had the courage to reveal our secrets, no matter what they are, the world would be a slightly better place. Keep doin' what you do!
Reply
:iconkyujinueno:
kyujinueno Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh woops, I just shaved. Not like I can grow a fabulous set of facial hair anyway. xD

And oh...you came out. Man, I missed out on a lot, no thanks to my laptop dying on me. But hey, I know how you feel.... *shudders just thinking of my experience* Wasn't really bad, but it was the most uncomfortable feeling I've had just like "showing" your report card full of F's. Just keep your head up, aye?
Reply
:iconkinetii:
Kinetii Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Oh Daryl.
Let me , as a stranger, hug you.
:iconletmehugyouplz:
Reply
:iconblackbraconfessional:
I really hope that your parents become allies in time. Many do, but it's often scary and shocking for them at first. It sounds like you've found a lot of support and that's so good to lean on in the tough times <3

I really admire your courage in coming out and support you 100%. Queers have to stick together!
Reply
:iconcsnsai:
CsNsAi Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
So in other words your gay but not "sassy" gay :U Jokes aside, I hope things get better for you. November, you little son of a bitch. Seems like big changes always happen in this month.
Reply
:icondorathescribe:
DoraTheScribe Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I do not envy the position you're in. I've always been a firm believer in not being ashamed of who you are, but at the same time, I'm of a different faith than my mother. If I ever told her, I know it would break her heart. So, what to do? I will say this. Do what you feel is best. I'm perfectly content never telling my mom. You may not feel this way. Whatever you do, someone will wind up getting hurt. But you can't please everyone. Your parents sound like great people.
Reply
:iconfreakyzi:
FreakyZi Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
reading this journal makes want to cry a bit, going to depression was hard..it's good you have a supportive sibling back then and how you open up to your parent and known what consequences will lead...I guess it's good to let it off the chest than to be a walking time bomb because we just don't want to hurt those that we truly care and love.

I applaud your bold move to tell them the truth, I wish I have the courage like you do....well not about my sexuality, it something else

Hope everything goes well for you and your family
Reply
:iconkrritkin:
Krritkin Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
I guess I'm a bit lucky to live in Sweden. It's a country thats really tolerant towards most things especially being gay, and as a gay myself i can only say: be you and let others mutter if they want to
Reply
:iconarashkya:
arashkya Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
My boyfriend always calls November - No'shave'ember. So he grows out his full on beard and mustache. lol I at least talked him into keeping it somewhat trim.

As far as being gay... it's your choice. Be yourself and who cares what others think?! Bah, just be happy! ^_^
Reply
:iconlimey-boy:
Limey-Boy Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Here here! here's hoping you continue to be happy into the up and coming future.
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